


In Which Swedish Chef Borks a Turkey Instead of Going Home and Feeling Sad

by SpaceCarrotCasserole



Category: Swedish Chef - Fandom, The Muppets - All Media Types, Turkey - Fandom
Genre: Crack, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, Inanimate Object Porn, Other, Smut, You Have Been Warned, you only have yourself to blame for reading this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-16
Updated: 2019-02-16
Packaged: 2019-10-29 09:16:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17805269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpaceCarrotCasserole/pseuds/SpaceCarrotCasserole
Summary: Hey fuckwasds I heard you wanted some fuckingpirn or something. So I wrote this one about the chef from the muppets. Pls enjoy or fuk off idc please give kudos n share wit friend thank you love me pls





	In Which Swedish Chef Borks a Turkey Instead of Going Home and Feeling Sad

I don’t know if any of yu knew this byt ork bork bork means fuck in Swedish. No really it’s true. Ask Neil Degrasse Tyson or some other smart fuck if you really want to know that badlyl. Just trust me, I got a B- in Spanish.  
So every day the Swedish Chef is just goingaround , in front of god and everybody, and just yelling out fuck fuck fuk because he’s stupid fucking horny, bro. And no one speaks oSwedish, except maybe the swedes, so everyone juust ignores him. Thays why he loves cooking so much. He can speak any language and stull cook real good. Sad, right?  
Well it aint sad because he;s gonna fuck a turkey.  
So our nro Swedish chef is super horny and super lonely. That is until he spies this beautiful, glistening, raw thanksfifving turkey. It is majestic af. He admires the nicely rounded breasts. He fingers the neck. He tosses the gizzards around playfully. A;; this gets him rock hard. Je notices that the skin has a little bit of give to it, so he puts his weiner in, just the tip to see how it feels.  
IT feels great bro. Better tha a watermelon warmed in the microwave even. It feels a little bit like sticking yiur dick in a jar of jelly but firmer. Exactly like a vagina.  
So now he has to ake a decision. Dopes he defile this glorious, proud bird? Or does he go home and beat off again?  
No bro. SPOILER ALERT we’re gonna fuck a turkey.  
The lonliness overcomes him and he can’t helo it. He goes full dick in a bird carcass. He kows no one can eat it now, but who cares anymore? He is lost in the moment. Bork. Botrk Bork.  
The inside of the bird is slightly moist, and no one has stuffed it yet…except the chef. The chef is tuffing it when his own special Swedish stuffing hahahahahahaha  
I’m jol;arous.  
Ayway. So his dick feels sooo much better than when he uses his hand. IT just isn’t the same. His hand is soft, sure, but he knows it’s his hand. This penis though, doesn’t know its a bird, as long as he lcoses his eyese. Penis deception.  
He starts to thrust slowly, in and oput, when he thinks what if I shoved my rock hard dick under the skin with some butter? I’m pretty sur eyou can use butter as a delicious lube. Brando did it, and he was a classy fuck. He was also fucking insane, but who isn’t? He just reaches over and grabs a big ol handful of cold butter and just slaters it on his dick. And this itself is already better than hjacking off at home in th shower. So he shoves his dick inbetween the skin and the breast bery carefully, titty fucking a dead bird ain’t easy folks, and he accidentally rips the skin, so he pulls his dick out and decides that the best methiod to hic this is to just fucking pund this bird into the fucking ground.  
So he puts the burd under his arm and just starts jack hammering it with his dick. It looks like he;s stabbing, but with a dick. It feels amazing and he’s shouting bork bork bork real loud. The turkey just fucking takes it, like the slut it is  
So he grabs the wings for leverage and pujust keeps on pounding, harder and harder, soon he’s on the floor, ass fucking this ruekey except turkeys have a cloaca so he’s probably doing shit with that I don’t know I don’t have a degree in biology. It feels so good that he starts shooting special sauce allll over the insude of the brd booooooooooooooooooooooooork boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooork BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK  
He collapses on the floor, looking at the ruined turkey before him. E pats it, as if to thank it for it’s service, then picks it up and chucks it into the bin.  
The end


End file.
